


Running in circles, that's why

by edourado



Series: Hell's Kitchen Chronicles [26]
Category: Daredevil (TV)
Genre: F/M, Matt reveals his identity, One Shot, Tumblr Prompt, karedevil - Freeform, kinda angsty, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-08
Updated: 2016-07-08
Packaged: 2018-07-22 09:01:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7428484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/edourado/pseuds/edourado
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tumblr prompt: "Don't say you love me".<br/>The scene where Matt tells Karen</p>
            </blockquote>





	Running in circles, that's why

“I know”, she said, after a few nervous moments where he tried his best not to squirm.

“Y-you know?” Matt asked, fingers tightening around his mask, heart going thump thump thump in his chest. 

“I-”, Karen started, her hand on her hair, looking away, letting out a deep breath. “I recognized your voice, that time with the japanese people. And the way you moved your head, like you do when you’re listening for something.”

Of course. He had, for a moment there, in his haste to make sure that she was ok, forgotten to keep the safe distance. He got way too close. 

“Still, I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was… I don’t know, projecting? Something like that. But then I remembered all the bruises, and all those times you disappeared, and all the lies you told, all the-”

“Ok, yeah, I get it, you figured it out.”

She kept her arms crossed in front of her, a very solid wall against him and it hurt. 

“You know it was a… A disturbing puzzle to put together. Because how is it possible that you go out and you risk yourself like that, every night?”

He could hear her voice starting to shake a little, both with the tears that would come soon, if she didn’t watch herself, and from the anger, all that anger she felt now, for him.

“How is it that you can do all that? I knew that you could box, like your dad, but this, this is too much, I don’t understand-” She interrupted herself to take another breath. “It doesn’t make any sense.”

Slowly, he explained everything. Like he had with Foggy, his heart beating wildly, because there was still that small part of him that wondered if he could really trust her. But he could. Everything up until now, about her, proved that he could. Including the fact that she knew already, and had done nothing about it. 

So he grounded himself and he told her. Reminded her about his accident and his father’s death. Introduced Stick to the tale, everything. 

“You met him,” he said, just going with it and explaining the difficult part, with Elektra, that part that she certainly misunderstood - did she misunderstand? Wasn’t he the one misunderstanding? “That night, he was there when you showed up at my place.”

She gave an acknowledging hum, as if finally placing the strange man. “And that woman? She has something to do with this, I’m assuming.”

He nodded, placing his mask on the desk while she paced around. 

“Yes. That’s Elektra. I met her in college. I didn’t know at the time, but she was working for Stick.”

“You guys dated?”

Lord, why is this so difficult? Is it the facts or the hard tone of her voice? 

“Once. But she, uh… She wasn’t really… She was trying to recruit me back to Stick’s side.”

“So she lied to you. Pretended to be someone she wasn’t? Ironic.”

“Karen.” He took a step towards her. “I did lie, yes. I did keep a lot from you, but I never- I never pretended. You know me. You know me, everything that we-”

“I’m not so sure I believe that.”

“But you do. You do know me, I swear, why would I-”

He stopped himself, feeling the daggers she shot at him with her eyes, her fingers tight around her own arm, the other hand closed in a fist. 

“I kept a lot from you. To protect both you and myself, and to protect this”, he waved his hand on the general direction of the office. “Because this is important to me. I left Stick’s side all those years ago because I wanted this, I wanted to build a normal life, I wanted… I wanted to have this, and I got it, so I had to keep it safe, I had to keep you safe.”

“Well”, she said dripping with irony and hurt. “Awesome job.”

Matt bowed his head, not knowing what to say next. 

“Let me ask you this”, she said, suddenly. “Were you ever planning on telling me all this?”

Oh, there it is. That question he didn’t even know how to answer to himself. 

“What with the kissing me on the rain, taking me to dinner, ‘perfect nights’, all of that. Were you ever gonna tell me or was it just-”

“No, Karen”, he interrupted her, because he was pretty sure he wouldn’t bare listen to whatever it was she was going to suggest next. “You never just… a dinner. What I told you that night was true, it is true.”

“Which part?”

“All of it. That’s why I didn’t come up, because I knew I had to figure out what I was going to do about this, how I was gonna…But, there was a lot going on, with the trial, and...”

“And your ex girlfriend.”

“Yes, with her.”

“What was she doing here, anyway? If she left all those years ago, why come back now? Did she want to, what, rekindle the flame?”

Matt took a breath and started walking her through the last year, listening for her reactions. 

“I almost did leave”, he completed, after his account of the facts. “After all that mess with Castle’s case, and the firm was… And you.”

“Why didn’t you? No, you know what, don’t-”

“Because of you” he breathed out, tired. Physically tired, he could almost feel his legs giving out under him. 

“No, not because of me. We were nothing at that point, you were free to-”

“No, I wasn’t. I wasn’t, Karen.”

He took a step towards her and she moved back a bit, not a full step, just a motion. And maybe that should be enough to stop him, but he didn’t. Taking another step, he heard her pull a sharp breath in. “That night, with the Hand-”

“The what?”

“The, uh, the Japanese. That’s what they call themselves. She died that night.”

Karen let out a humorless chuckle, now taking a full step away from him. 

“Then you didn’t stay because of me, did you? You stayed because she was gone.”

“No, Karen, I stayed because I love you.”

She froze for a second, face turned towards his, and then she was shaking her head. 

“No.”

“The only reason I considered leaving in the first place was because you said you weren’t mine to protect, because we weren’t- and the office had gone to shit, and I was losing everything, so, yeah, I considered running.”

“But then she died and your plans were busted.”

He let out a breath. 

“Something like that. But before that, she told me that I had to let people in. That I had to let you in, and it’s true, I do, that’s why I’m-”

“Look, Matt. I’m sorry that she died, ok? She was important to you, I get that. But don’t make it about us, don’t tell me that you stayed because of me-”

“I didn’t want to lie to you anymore, Karen”, he took another step and she turned her face away, biting back tears that he could already smell. “I don’t want to keep this from you, I lost everything, I can’t lose you, too, I-”

“Don’t, Matt.”

“Listen to me”, he lifted his hand when he was close enough, touching her face, and the way she coiled against him made him want to scream.

“Don’t say you love me.”

“But I do.” He brought her face to his, touching his forehead to hers, his own tears threatening to come when she flinched, shut her eyes tight. “I do and it caught me by surprise, that night when I thought I had gotten you killed, and I had already lost you, I-”

He interrupted himself, because he was bound to say something wrong if he kept talking. His thumb running once over her cheek, he stepped away from her. 

“I’m not saying that this isn’t my fault. Or that I didn’t do everything wrong. I’m not even asking you to come back to me, because I know you can’t right now. I’m just trying… I’m trying not to lie anymore.”

And then Matt waited. For anything. Her next move would decide his path, their path. Maybe it was unfair to put that on her, but it would be unfair for him to decide, too. She got to decide, now. She got to tell him what she wanted, and he would accept it, even if just for now, even if it hurt him. 

Karen cleared her throat and sniffed once, trying to breathe the unshed tears away. 

“Ok.” she said and he almost smiled, a small, tiny flicker of hope lighting up inside him. “Ok, so don’t lie. You can start by explaining again how is it that you can do.. What you do, because I don’t think I really got it.”

He nodded and she moved to sit on her chair. He preferred the conference room, where he could sit by her side, but this would do. 

In minutes, she was raining questions on him and he tried his best not to smile like an idiot, because he was sure that would make her mad at him. And he would do his best to keep that from happening again. 


End file.
